so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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