The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
