New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Who did Billy Mays play for?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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