I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
