my phone needs a breathalizer
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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