Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There are leaves in my underwear?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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