Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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