In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
