I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
