I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
