i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize