420 ftw
My first STD was from a foam party
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
