when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
