Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
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i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap