Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool