wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
