I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
