Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize