He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Are we still banned from the library?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
