Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
