would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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