Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Couch. On fire.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
