omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
