I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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