We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it's not cheating when I paid for it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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