I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
