This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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