You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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