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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
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