I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.