I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
is that a dick in a sweater?