If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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