his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
not ubering you a puppy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
