so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
