I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
