Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
