just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
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I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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