So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
