If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize