I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize