bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
