He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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