I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
