Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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