piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
