her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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