just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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