That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize