No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
