In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
