Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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