had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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