I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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