youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
