Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
