sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
