You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
