I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
