No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
