So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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