i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
