i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
