you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
