I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
