My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
