doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Houston, we have a blender
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
