Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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